Oh how freeing it is to live in a day of age where we virtually have every luxury afforded to us, right in our grasp, and all we have to do is reach for it. Seriously, think about the freedom which we truly posses here in this country. Freedom to move, think, pray, act, eat, live and pursue what ever one’s heart desires, deep within. If you are a hard worker and put forth the effort, anything can be in your arms reach.
But what is freedom if you are not free to live your life, in your own life?
Take my case as a prime example. Married to a man I had known from my high school days, yet never dated, connected, married after two months and conceived our son a few months after that. Sounds like a romantic story for the books but of course, things may not always be as they seem.
Though my husband was a genuinely good husband with just a checkered past (as we all have), he was very insecure within himself. With the knowledge I poses now, I understand that NO ONE, I mean NO ONE can solve another’s insecurity problems. Or mental issues. Also, I understand this is a number one trait found in any abuser; the fact they are not happy with themselves and hate the fact that you basically are!
He fit this description to the tee. Nate, as I will call him, did not even like a man looking in my direction, even if he were only looking to order off a menu which was located behind me! Thinking back on it now, my face scrunches up at the memory of how he freaked out over every guy he saw. Or thought I had spoken to. Or was around. Or worked in the workplace with. Or had spoken to me. Oh, I could go on and on.
Anyway, these traits, and others, women tend to look over. Especially if his behavior isn’t exactly physically abusive in nature. We just say “oh he just likes me a lot and wants me all to himself.” Thinking that overly possessive, controlling, “always hanging around as if he is watching over you”, insecurity is cute or romantic. Or even normal for that matter. It aint! It is rather embarrassing, when I think about it.
Ugh, love is blind. A number one mis-consumption women live by: “He is not abusing me if he is not physically hitting me.”
They don’t have to hit you with his fist to tear you or your spirit down. Honestly, in my opinion, the quickest, easiest, undetectable way a abuser will take advantage of you is mentally and emotionally. Prohibiting you from going after the job you want, being around the loved one’s who truly care about you, (that is a BIG one because an abuser knows they are the people who will eventually get you out and away from them!), participating in the hobbies and activities you enjoy the most and just plain putting you down in any way they can come up with.
Ugh! I wish I could reach everyone who was in a situation I just escaped from, shake them and say “Love is not hard. It does not hurt and you don’t have to sacrifice your identity just to have it.” Instead, you can live FREE, do the things which make you whole as a person, see the places that are on your “bucket list” and grow into the person you truly want to be.
Abuse has many faces. It is time to recognize them and address them as needed. We must not forget the mental and emotional abuse one uses with the driving force of fear and power. Education is the antidote for ignorance.